I ran in to my ex's the other day.....I put it in reverse, and hit them again!

I can only please one person per day. Today isn't your day...and tomorrow don't look good either.

We are the people are parents warned us about.

School is like a jail, the cells are the classes, teachers are the security guards & the students are the prisoners!

Did you know VODKA makes for a good facial cleanser? Use a cotton ball to apply to face, also tightens pores!

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

I ran in to my ex's the other day.....I put it in reverse, and hit them again!

A lot of people get lots of exercise by simply stretching the truth.

The news of a possible break up between Will and Jada Smith .....caused an Earth Quake today.

Will and Jada getting a divorce is like a football being thrown @ a blind man..........NEVER SAW IT COMING!

Don't feel special. I only keep your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call...

There's just not enough toilet paper in the world to clean up all this shit some people create.

I don't understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens. If I'm trusting u with my money, u should trust me with ur pens.

Damn Baby...u know I put the FUN in FUNERAL. #Dead

She got a body like baywatch but a face like crime watch. O_O

I love my brain. I get limited data, but downloads are instant and you can't beat the price.

Whenever people ask me dumb questions sometimes I wish I could do this face "-__-" in real life..

Get a pad of paper, and write a letter to someone who gives a fuck.