It was so hot today, I was sweating like R KELLY at a playground.

Your middle finger is especially reserved for FAKE PEOPLE, the ones who smile in ur face but talk sh*t behind ur back.

I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.

I stepped on a Cornflake, and now I am a cereal killer.

When I was born I was so surprised, I couldn't talk for a year and a half.

i always wanted to be a invisible guy, not for pervert things.

Tip for success with girls: Don't be ugly.

Relationships are like fat people, most of them don't work out.

I slapped a lady on the neck the other day, thought it was a roach but it turns out....it was just a mole on her neck.

And then God created Saturn... And he liked it, so he put a ring on it.

Ways to irritate me... Friend calls at 3AM: "Are you asleep?". Me: "NO I'm fucking sky diving!".

Sorry for bad words, my momy didn't love me. :'(

Ways to irritate me talking to me when i'm in my I DONT GIVE A FUCK mode. :)

I gave that bitch some bender, bitches love bender.

Ways to irritate me... A kid staring at me in a public place.

Facebook mad because my main bitch is Twitter.

You know it's late when "Paid Programming" is on damn near every channel.

I need to stop being so damn awesome!!!

I don't really understand this phone sex thing...I just ended up getting shit all over my phone.

If Myspace used to be an addiction then TWITTER was rehab. Twitter came out, we dropped Myspace like a bad habit.

When life gives you lemons. Please don't make another stupid joke about them.

basketballquotes - " Damn, If only I could win a ring. " -(Lebron James.)

All the groupies/gold diggers at home are EXCITED! WHY!?....NBA DRAFT is tonight, new potential BABY DADDY'S.

When I hear myself eating crunchy food, I wonder if people can hear it the same.

Whenever I find the key to happiness, someone changes the damn lock.

How u call my phone, and ask 'Who's this?' DAMN!!! you called me.

how to please a hoodrat - buy her all of the kool aid packet flavors for her birthday.

The thing that bothers me the most is when peeple spel werds rong.

I hope hell has wifi.

Unwritten guy rules - never make eye contact with another dude while eating a banana.

Twitter eggs as a Twitter icon. People who have been on Twitter for a yr & still have yet to upload a pic. #ThatBothersMe

Shout out to all the ladies who are getting married this YEAR, you to will have a RING before Lebron James! #TooSoon?

The only way Lebron James will ever get a ring is if his girl proposes to him.

I bet LEBRON is going to watch " LORD OF THE RINGS " on netflix tonight....just for motivation for next year.

I fell off a 50ft ladder today... luckily I was on the bottom step. hehe.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Im might be being a Asshole here but do I even know your ugly ass???

Am I An AssHole Or Does This Take A Big Man To Do This

I have 2 examples here for you

1)Ok How Big Of A Man do you have to be to start a fight with someones girlfriend the when your mommy comes to pick you up when your 30 then she starts giving the guys girlfriend dirty looks cause the guy had to run his mouth and his brother starts giving the guys girlfriend dirty looks and making rude ass comments just cause they are snobs then the next day he wants to be best friends and talk and bullshit

2)ok how big of a man do you have to be to take all the your bullshit drama out on someones girlfriend just cause ur pissed or cause your jealous either way face it its not going to happen!